Face Off

I hate to feed into the Paris frenzy but I just wanted to quickly comment on her wardrobe. Apparently Paris has just discovered the technology that suburban parents have known about for more than a decade: how to put someone’s face on a shirt. Unlike overly enthusiastic parents, Paris has opted for a shirt emblazed with her picture. And notice that is not even a good picture, she looks like a drag queen. Was that the only photo she could find? Oh wait, maybe all her pictures look like that.

I find this even more annoying than the message t-shirts people love to wear. (Let’s face it; if you have to tell people you are hot with your shirt, you are probably not that good looking.) My boyfriend pointed out that you should let other people (aka Paris’s pathetic fans) wear shirts like that. He blames the behavior on her new money status. If only she could use that excuse for everything she does.

To sum up, Paris please find a stylist quickly… and then go away for a while. Please? Your vanity is driving me crazy.

Grammy Glitz

I have made my feelings about award shows clear in other posts. The Grammy Awards fall into the same category for me. Let’s put it this way, I find my readings for class more interesting. I just do not understand why some people love this mind numbing programming. In terms of fashion, music people are usually the worst. It seems they have to prove their incredible creative talent by donning a bizarre outfit. Yeah, that is they way to get me to download your single.

Ok Go is a band that I like… to listen to, not too see. Apparently, they do not like to see themselves either and decided to cover their faces with red pantyhose material. Right.
Then there are the PCD. They seem to be in a competition to see who can dress the most like stripper going to an award show. Congrats girls, you are all winners. I wonder if the lead singer made all the other members wear short dresses. How bossy!
The Duffster went tragic, adopting the heroin chic/slip dress look of the 1990s.
Again with the random odd attire, Imogen Heap showed off a big poof of frizz, white boots, and oddly shaped dress. She even thought ahead and brought a parasol to ward off, um, indoor showers?
I usually like Mandy Moore. She is normally adorable but this combo threw me. Mismatching polka dot belt and floral dress? Hm, pass.
The biggest surprise in my book was that Fergie arrived actually looking nice. A new stylist in the picture? I thought her silver dress was perfect for the red carpet. Way to sparkle!
All and all, not a very inspiring show. I will just have to wait for the Oscars…

Golden Ladies

I have to admit that instead of actually watching the Golden Globe, I sat through a long episode of 24. Yeah, another two hours, ugg. Anyway, I do not regret my decision because the only part of the award shows I enjoy is the fashion.

Vanessa Williams went all out for the Golden Globes. Big hair, big cleavage, and even a mink for the freezing Cali weather. I feel bad for the animal that died for her coat. Just think it could have been roaming around the forest, enjoying life instead of making a former Miss America/singer/actress look even worse. More is not always better people!

I just loved Julia Louis Dreyfus’s frock. The mustard color stands out from the sea of black. The metallic decoration and the detail of the bust are so flattering. Nice choice!

Jessica Biel’s dress was a tad blah for me. It just looked like a large block of silver. There needed to be some differentiation in the dress… like a second color around the waist or maybe some seaming details. The choice of earrings reminds me of large disco balls. It is 2007 not 1975 Jessica.

I did not look up who this is but according to my boyfriend she is “the hot chick from Rescue Me.” (He is always so accurate.) I love the plunging neckline. It works so well on smaller chested women. I would look like a stripper in this. So unfair. The whole look is simple yet elegant.

And of course, Eva Longoria, another elegant choice at the Golden Globes. The rich navy fabric sets off her skin and dark hair. The scoop detail and matching earrings are all the dress needs to shine. I am glad she decided to skip a necklace; it would have been a distraction.

Overall I thought the stylists did a wonderful job on the stars outfits. Clean and simple is always the way to go!

Oh and Entourage was robbed! It is so much better than Ugly Betty. Hands down!

Unsmooth Fashion Criminal

Every time I leave my house I see people dressed like crap. The type of outfits that are made even worse by the fact that these people think they look good! Half the nation must be legally blind. I usually attribute this affliction to the individual lacking any innate style sense and/or not having a stylist/fashionable friend to help them. However, there is no excuse for Lindsay Lohan. Her Mom always looks cute so I assume the style gene could have been passed on. And the girl has enough money to pay for a PA to help her with her obvious fashion issues.

Instead Lindsay goes around looking like she escaped from some minimum-security prison. That is the only explanation for the black and white stripped messy dress she threw on. Although calling it a dress is pretty generous. Not that the accessories are any better, the sunglasses from the 80s and Ugg boots were hopefully dumpster or Salvation Army finds. It is like the ghosts of fads past.

Maybe Miss Lohan should make a New Year's resolution to actually figure out the year. (Hint: It comes after 2006.) Then maybe she can let these horrible fashions die and slip into something uh, actually flattering. I guarantee this Juicy shirtdress will be just as comfortable as your heinous wardrobe.

No Need for a Crystal Ball

Just in case there was any doubt Britney is heading toward a really bad "E! True Hollywood Story," the signs are crystal clean now: Britney Spears is the next Michael Jackson.

Exhibit A: Britney wearing a t-shirt of her destiny.


Exhibit B: Similarities
-Both famous at a young age.
-Quasi-famous siblings. (Little Spears, the rest of the Jackson family.)
-Poor choices of partners. (Brit- weird guy from HS and idiot from the local trailer park; Michael- kids.)
-Strange wardrobe. (All of Britney's current attire, ditto for Michael.)

It's only a matter of time before little Ms. Spears...

...becomes a plastic surgery addict too!

The AMA's by Request!

So I didn't actually watch the AMA's that were on a week or two ago. Award shows leave me bored and with a bad taste in my mouth. Like I need to see a bunch of self-congratulatory celebs with an excuse to speak. Remember, celebrities are like children, meant to be seen and not heard. (I am thinking of those celebs that go out specifically to promote their new [shitty] clothing line or some random political cause [save the purple-tailed swallow!].) So I did my research the painless way, online.

On to the train wreck...


John Mayer, I remember when I used to love you. Now you look like a homeless man.

Refusing to get a haircut does not make you deep or soulful!

At first I was like, who is this random blonde girl? Then I realized that it was Ashley Simpson...

...thanks to the wonders of plastic surgery! This makes me want to reconsider a nose job for myself!

And then of course, there was Gwen Stefani. Not that I would really know, but this is how I envision girls in porn dressing.


This dress used to be in my closet too. I wore it for First Communion though.

Nice ruffles.

Oh, please make it stop. I do not know where to start on Carrie Underwood's, uh, outfit. It wouldn't have been THAT bad if she could have a least picked either shorts or a dress. Remember the skort? (Skirt in the front, shorts in the back.) Same mistake here.

There must be something in the Nashville water that inspires ugly attire like this.

The black dresses are just a tad blah for a swank (or pointless?) award show.

But compared to the other country people, the Dixie Chicks at least looked nice. They must live in Texas not Tennessee!

Finally, I am not usually a big Nicole Richie fan. But I really like her new, more natural hair color. The gold dress is actually beautiful too. My only suggestion is that she should have not gone with a strapless dress.

Too bad her skeleton-like figure cannot hold that thing up! Have yourself a yummy Christmas cookie, the bonus is that you will get your boobs back! Yea!

Who won awards? Who really cares? On to the next red carpet!

Red with Envy

Must... have... coat.

How did Jessica Simpson find this pretty red winter coat? It would be such a fun addition to my winter attire.

Luckily (more like unluckily), I live in a place where the height of daily fashion is a combo of leggings, Ugg boots (still??), and a fleece. I bet most girls would not even appreciate this coat. I mean, if they can't brush their hair and put on a little mascara what hope is there for more advanced girlie-tendencies to appear?

I am counting down the days until I live in a real city. At this point I will even consider Boston even though it is dreary and full of Red Sox fans.

Is it graduation yet?

Back to the Dump

I know I just wrote about Britney Spears but outfits like this...

...make me want to tear my eyelashes out.

Gag, gag, gag.

And here is the PSA, please wear underwear. Victoria's Secret is popular for a reason.


(Paris actually trying to keep Brit from flashing her post-maternity cooter?)

More gagging...

From Trash to Treasure?

Remember the good old days, when Britney Spears actually listened to her stylist? Then that ghetto boy came along and bought out her trailer park roots. Ew.

I thought conditions were finally improving post-break-up. She got that cute new bob haircut and actually picked out clothes that did not look like they were off the racks of Wal-Mart.


But it appears the call of trashiness is too strong for Brit to ignore. She was recently seen with not-so-classy "socialite" Paris Hilton. Even worse, they were both wearing matching animal print. Hanging out with Paris Hilton is not the way to rebuild your tarnished image.


First, Britney should find a new BFP (Best Friend for Pictures) like Tory Burch (free cute clothes too?) or Rachel Roy (always looking on-point). Then slip on this adorable Lela Rose dress...

... and maybe then Ms. Spears will once again be on my good list.

Goddess from the Block

Everyone needs a study break. Tonight I put aside my millionth HBR case of the week and decided to browse InStyle. In the Look of the Day section I came upon this photo:

How many Grecian goddess inspired dresses does Jennifer Lopez own? Let's see...
The Ben-ifer version...

Orange complexion to match the dress...

With the (newest) hubby...


Okay, okay, stop the hit parade! It is nice that she has found a style that she likes but, really, variety is the so-called spice of life. It almost seems like a coping mechanism for her. Like a way of ditching her past for what she believes she really is: immortal?

Whatever J. Lo, we all know you are just a girl from the Bronx.

Voter Disenfranchisement, Now For Everyone!

You always hear about poor, elderly, or minority voters being disenfranchised. Just to prove these stereotypes wrong the poll workers in Manhattan carefully chose their target: Chelsea Clinton. As in- daughter of a former President and a current Senator; who is a former employee of the second best consulting firm in the world, McKinsey, and currently working for a high profile hedge fund (Avenue Capital).

(Sorry, a random tabloid cover!)

Nice work guys. Don't mess with Hilary's daughter... her posse will make sure your mistake will so end up in the NYT!

Unlike a Virgin

Sex on TV does influence people... including Lindsay Lohan:
"Sex And The City changed everything for me because those girls would just sleep with so many people. And that's me. I'm not dating just one person. It is the variety of partners everyone likes, especially at my age. I'm like Angelina Jolie, taking on lovers. I don't need a steady relationship. I mean if the sex is bad, the relationship's not going anywhere."


But remember kids, serial monogamy is the way to go:
"My mum's going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people - but if I'm going to give my body to someone, I'd rather them not be with other people. It's very old-fashioned. The guys I am really attracted to now don't drink, don't smoke and don't do anything else."

The News of the World sums it up best:
"But while she has had a difficult relationship with food, there has never been anything wrong with Lindsay's sexual appetite."

I so need to cash in on this. I am picturing the "Lohan Diet." Here's the gist- minimal food, lots of drinking, and sex to keep your mind off your growling stomach. It's just the trick to get you leotard ready.

A New Reason to Reconsider Selective Sterilization

The word on the street is that Flavor Flav is going to be a father... again. This will be his seventh child. According to People: "Flav described [her] only as a 'shorty in Las Vegas.' " Shorty in Vegas huh? That is so code for stripper!!


The thing I don't get is why women are sleeping with this guy. He has no career (VH1 so does not count!), he's 47 years old, can't speak well, and is really, really ugly. What a catch? Someone should stage a boycott. I am 99% positive the world will be better off if he has no more kids!

I guess some scanks will sleep with anyone. Even a guy who randomly wears a big clock at all times.

Nicole Richie Cops Out

Nicole Richie is telling people she is going to rehab because she just can't gain weight. Right. I recall a time when you didn't have an issue gaining weight...

Helpful Tip: Water and cigs do not provide nutrition. You must, in fact, eat food/drink calorie-filled drinks to not look like an Ethiopian child.

Hopefully she overcomes her issues because this...

...is not attractive.

My Dream Couple Splits

Say it's not true... Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe are "separated."

It makes me so sad... they were always my favorite "We-Are-Perfect" couple. I don't know who their stylists are but they deserve a big bonus! What cute, classy couple can I rely on now?

I just have to hope they work things out for the kids... and me.

Update: They Got Fergie Too!

More proof that Girl Scouts are trying to take over the world...
Step 1: Get everyone addicted to your cookies. (More addictive than drugs???)
Step 2: Slowly turn everyone into a Girl Scout.

Their first famous victim is Fergie. Here is a picture of her at a concert this weekend.

This strategy is actually pretty impressive. Although it appears Fergie did not get the note that sneakers are not to be worn with the uniform.

The Girl Scouts understand the celeb-worship that goes on these days.

I guess I better get my knee socks and sash out before my next class...

Christina, You Aren't Fooling Anyone!

This morning I was watching MTV and Christina Aguilera's new video "Hurt" was on. It was so over the top and cheesy! I love it that singers think these videos are mini-epic movies that will stand the test of time. Those delusions of grandeur can start an artist going down the scary Michael Jackson path... just think of the progression from "Thriller" to now. Ick.

Anyway, the part the bothers me most is that Christina is suddenly all classy again. Ohh, look at you with your 1940's pinup style... whatever. I think she needs to be reminded of what she was acting like not so long ago:

Before...



After...


Once a scank, always a 'dirty' scank. Go back to your overly sexual lyrics and stripper-inspired dance moves; we all know who you are on the inside.

Break a Leg!

It turns out that orthopedic injuries are, um, more than they are cracked up to be. Everyone's favorite hipster Lindsey Lohan is sporting the hottest new trend around: casts!
Anyone who has ever broken a bone knows it has all the makings of a fashion trend:
1. Scarcity. Getting a real cast involves a painful fracture, not something we will all endure. Of course, there are sure to be knock-off "fake" casts... but those are not as cool!
2. Upkeep. You have to put plastic bags around them when you shower. Also I have been told they start to smell if not cared for properly. Smelly = Gross, not hip!
3. Customizable! Miss Lohan has added signatures to her winter white wrist cast. Just be on guard for people trying to customize you new cast badly. No one wants that messy signature or odd drawing on their newly acquired accessory.
4. Short lived. I'm sure Lindsey's cast will be removed in a few weeks so get cracking! If you end up with a cast in a few months, you will look like those girls who wear Uggs still.

So bring out the klutziness and hope that your new cast comes with Lindsey's boyfriend too!