Wednesday, December 13, 2006

King of the Hill

I often hear the Cornell campus referred to as "the Hill"... in the school paper at least. The nickname surprises me because I had always associated Capitol Hill with the nickname. In honor of my trek back to the District, it is time to see who really deserves this much-coveted nickname. Let's get ready to rumble!

The Hill vs. The Hill

Round One - Actual Hilliness
Cornell: During our orientation the health workers told us the most common type of injuries was orthopedic. This is because the hills will break your bones! (And then laugh at you when you try to get around with crutches.)
Capitol: Although my boyfriend is convinced there is an incline from his house to the Capitol building, I am not sure it should be consider a "hill." If I can walk around in heels and not want to kill the person that invented them, then it is flat. (Although the Metro does pose a challenge to my heel wearing... mostly because tourists will step on them while trying to figure out where "La Fontee Plaza" is. Nice French.)
Winner: Cornell, hands down.

Round Two - Level of Pretentiousness
Cornell: Well there are a fair number of former prep schoolers who love to tool around in their nice Land Rovers while attempting to set a new record for alcohol consumption... but they are vastly outnumbered by the uber nerds. Actually, I am not sure which one is worse. At least the jerks are amusing when they pass out on College Ave.
Capitol: Yes, there are many nice people who work on the Hill. (Hi guys!) But I do know a few who are huge douchebags. These are the ones who send you pictures of them with Senator So-and-So in an attempt to make themselves look important.
Winner: I will give this one to the Capitol, at least while the current frat, uh Administration, is still here.

Round Three - Battle of Wit
Cornell: If this was a question of book knowledge CU would easily take this Round. The problem is Cornell kids often lack in the all important common knowledge area. A good stumper would be to ask who has the right of way at a flashing red light... so confusing.
Capitol: Well this bunch certainly knows their current events and whatever material they teach poli sci majors (Like the Constitution? Who knows.). I have a feeling they would do fairly well in common sense stuff too. If you have ever seen these people seek out free food, you will know how resourceful they can be!
Winner: The Capitol, they would so cheat to win.

Congrats to Capitol Hill, you have won your nickname fair and square. Now you will not have to rename that paper 'The Hill' or anything annoying. As for Cornell, it is time to jazz up that old nickname. How about "The Hill of Stress" or just "Hell"? If only Dante had known about our little corner of New York...

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