Dear J. Crew,
How are you today? Getting lots of holiday merchandise sold? Well, the reason I am writing you is that I think we need to spend some time apart.
I know we have had some good times together. I just love that black suit of yours, I feel almost like a real adult when I have it on. And that beautiful dress received so many compliments at my friend’s wedding.
But this is about the here and now. It is great that you want to keep me updated on sales and free shipping offers but really you need to stop contacting me multiple times a day. Do I really need three emails telling me that I have been invited to the private sale? You need to learn to play a little harder to get. You are making yourself look desperate and pathetic.
In conclusion, J. Crew I will shop when I am ready! Until that day comes, stop stalking me via email.
I will always cherish those cashmere sweaters we shared.
Your Favorite Shopper